The Akatsuki Family
by Hoshigaki Kisame
Summary: After all the villages ban together, the Akatsuki have to leave the area to stay alive. Where will they go, and how long will they last? Read on to find out! Pairings: Kisame x Konan, Dei x Itachi, Hidan x OC
1. We're gonna move?

These are the characters in this story

Penin

Kisame

Konan (okay, I know this is a little weird, but Konan is a shark-person like Kisame. Don't like it? Tough. Deal With IT!!)

Kakuzu

Hidan

Itachi (he is blind in this story, sorry, that's kinda a spoiler, isn't it?)

Zetzu

Tobi

Deidara

That's much better, isn't it?

OH, almost forgot. Whatever is in italics are their thoughts.

"Emergency Meeting, now!" Penin yelled

In the dank Akatsuki hideout cave, all the other eight members followed Penin into the main meeting room.

"Tobi is here!" Tobi cried. "Tobi is a good boy!"

Deidara said under his breath "Shut up Tobi…"

"What's this about Penin?" Konan asks.

Itachi accidentally walks into a wall "OW! Hey, has anyone seen my cane?"

"Drat…" Kakuzu mumbles _I was gonna sell that. The diamonds on it would go for a lot of money…_ "Here Itachi…" He throws a black, diamond studded cane at Itachi's head

"OW!"

"Can we get back to the meeting please?" Penin asks _God, they're so annoying!_

Everyone suddenly starts paying attention.

"THANK YOU! OK, this is a very serious meeting!"

_as always…_ Kisame thinks.

"I have figured out that all the villages, yes, ALL the villages have banded together to conquer us."

_Conquer? I didn't even know he KNEW that word!_ Hidan smirked.

"And so, we will have to escape. We will have to… sigh …move."

"WHAT?!" Zetzu exclaimed. (both sides)

"MOVE?!" Hidan and Deidara finished for Zetzu.

Everyone started talking at once, all except Kisame and Konan, who were sitting on the couch in the middle of the room next to each other. No one saw them holding hands in between them.

"Quiet People! QUIET!!!!" Penin screamed.

Everyone, again, suddenly starts paying attention

"Yes guys, we will have to move. Hmmm, It has to be a safe place… I think we should go to-"

TO BE CONTINUED!


	2. Coffee & leaves

**Last time, on The Akatsuki Family...**

**The Akatsuki have to move to escape with their lives. Where they will move to, STAY TUNED TO FIGURE OUT!!!!!** (omg, I just had to do that! XP)

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"We are going to have to move to AMERICA." Penin said.

Zetzu somehow found a mug a coffee during the page change, and spewed the coffee that was in his mouth all over Hidan, who was sitting in front of him. The two started fighting (naturally, this is HIDAN we're talking about here!), and Kakuzu had to break it up, with Itachi and Tobi wondering what was going on.

"But Penin-sama," Konan asked. "Why do we have to move to America?! It's so far away!"

"That is exactly the point, Konan." Penin responded sharply. " We have to get as far away from here as possible."

"Okay, Everyone!!!!!" Penin announced to everyone in the entire group of S-ranked criminals. "Start Packing! We will leave at dawn!" Penin silently laughed at his own 'Akatsuki Dawn' joke.

"But leader, sir!" Hidan interupted. Don't normal FAMILIES live in American neighborhoods? A group of criminals looks like the exact _opposite _of a normal family to me."

"Don't worry Hidan, We will have to do some complicated Jutsu's to make us look normal, but I think we can handle it, can't we guys?"

"YES SIR!!!!!" Everyone responded in salute. Literally. They all lined up, saluted sir-leader, and filed out of the room in a single file line.

"Hmmmm..." Deidara thought. "Why do I feel like someone's watching me?" He looked around, and the only person who was watching him was Tobi, who was a good three inches away from his face.

"TOBI!!!! STAY AWAY FROM ME!!!!" Deidara yelled. Kisame had to keep the peace again.

The truth is someone _was_ watching them. A lot of people were watching them. No, they're not on National Television. What they didn't know was that somehow, the Leaf Village had a secret spy camera in the meeting room, and were listening in on the whole conversation

"Hmmmm..." Lady Hokage Tsunade said. "America, huh?" Well, I guess we'll just have too meet them there. Naruto, Saskue, Sakura, Kakashi! You four will have to go to America! Leave immediantly!"


	3. Help! Im shrinking! oops, its just jutsu

Ah, what a nice morning. The sun rising, the summer breeze softly blowing, and THE AKATSUKI ARE LEAVING TODAY!!!!!!!!! **thank JASHIN!!!!!**

"Okay everyone!" Penin shouted at the giant mass of criminals and suitcases. It suddenly turned into a orderly _line _of criminals with suitcases.

Penin paced back and forth in front of the criminal line. "I will have to preform some very complicated jutsus on you guys, so just stand still and shut up when it's your turn."

"_What,_" Hidan thought. "_He dosen't trust us to do our own jutsus?_"

"I decided," Penin explained. "That to look like a normal family, I will be a father and you will have to be children." Everyone became alarmed at the fact that they will be kids, and there will be a lot of questions.

"Will we have to go to school?"

"Will we have talk to other kids?"

" How old will I be?"

"TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!!!!"

"Will Kisame & Konan still be fish?"

"SHARKS!!!"

"Can Zetzu eat people I don't like?"

"TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!!!!"

Penin somehow calmed them down, and began the jutsus. After about fifteen minutes, Konan, Kisame & Zetzu's skin looked normal, Zetzu's plant thing was removed, and the entire group was shrunk down to the size that normal family (ranging from 6-16) of two girls and six boys would look like. He even shrunk down their weapons to keychains! Only one person didn't think this Idea was kinda ok.

"I'M A GIRL??!!!" Deidara screeched, alarmed.

"Yes, Deidara," Penin said in a calmed voice. "You see, It dosen't look that normal if I have seven sons and one daughter, so..."

"HA!!! DEIDARA HAS TO BE A GIRL!!!!" Kakuzu finished for him.

"Look who's talking, shorty." Deidara looked down at his supposed-to-be-eleven-years-brother, smirking.

"I KEEL YOU!!!!!!" Kakuzu screeched as he chased a laughing Miss Deidara around the meeting room.

"Okay, everyone." Penin said, instructing the group to get in line again. " I will be saying your age, grade, ect., so you know what is going on." He walked down the line of children criminals, stopping at each one.

"Zetzu, you're 16, and in 11th grade. You're the oldest. Don't eat anyone."

Kisame, Konan, you two are supposed to be twins. You're 15, in 10th grade, and act like twins, okay?"

"Yes," Kisame said.

"Sir." Konan finished. The two started laughing at Leader-sama's frustrated face. He moved on.

"Itachi," Itachi looked up at the sound of Leader's voice. "Hmm?" he said.

"Itachi, you're 14, in 8th grade, and don't worry, you will have help to get around your new school."

"Don't worry leader, I'm not." Itachi rolled his blind eyes under his sunglasses. Penin frowned and moved on to the next person.

"Miss Deidara." Penin called him that just to bug him. "you are 13, in 7th grade, and a girl." See? Leader-sama can be very mean sometimes. "Deidara, you will also have to help Itachi around the school, since you will have to be in the same building."

"WHAT!!??" The blind and the blond exclaimed.

"Itachi, calm down. Would you rather get lost and miss all your classes?" Itachi nodded at this, and Penin ignored it. "Deidara, you will have to miss the begining of your classes, but you will have to deal with it." Deidara cheered up at this, unti Leader said, "And I still want good grades young lady!!" Penin chuckled. Annoying Deidara was fun. He walked down to the next pair of mini-villans.

"Hidan, Kakuzu." The two stopped fighting with each other and looked up (_way _up) at Leader. "You two are eleven years old and in 5th grade. You are the other set of twins." This got a lot of complaints from the two, but Penin didn't care. He moved onto the last unhappy, shrunken victim. Only he wasn't unhappy.

"Tobi." Penin sighed.

"WHAT SIR LEADER!? TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!!!" Tobi jumped up and down, but only reached up to Penin's belly button, since he was so short.

"Okay Tobi, calm dow." Penin knelled down so it was easier to talk to Tobi. "Tobi, you are six years old and in kindergarden. I want you to stay with Zetzu since he is the oldest."

"OKAY SIR LEADER!!! TOBI GO NOW!!!!!!" Tobi then ran to the other end of the line and held onto Zetzu's hand.

** OOOO**

"READY EVERYONE!?" Penin yelled at the large group of children at the airport. They got into line again, out of habit, and Penin led them to the plane loading thing, where all the people went into the plane so it can leave. The large group grabbed their suitcases and climed into the plane. A woman stopped Penin, who was at the end of the line, and asked him,

"HOW do you get your kids to line up like that?"

"With a lot of practice lady, a LOT of practice." Penin responded as he walked on. _This is gonna be a long flight._


	4. BEST FRIENDS?

Awww... Loviness in this chapter!!! The plane ride gets really annoying, and there are some "stowaways" on board.

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Konan's eye twitched. She was getting reeealy tired of Tobi and Dei fighting. _Why won't they just shut up!? _She looked over to her Kisame, who insisted on sitting next to her. He had his head in his hands, from a Tobi-Deidara-fighting-like-hell-blew-up headache.

"I swear... one day i'll just..." Kisame did a kinda strangling motion with his hands, and Konan laughed at his pain. She may be in love with tuna-breath, but she was still evil. Penin raised an eyebrow at them, and Kisame stopped flirting with her.

The plane they were riding, the _S.S. Ramen_, was only holding two families. Not many people wanted to go to America... well actually, only one really _wanted_ to go. The two families were the Akatsukis, and the Hatakes. The Akatsukis sat in the front, and the Hatakes sat in the back. See this chart below.

_front of plane_

Kisame Konan Penin _empty_

Zetzu Tobi Deidara Itachi

_empty_ Kakuzu Hidan _empty_

Naruto Sakura Saskue Kakashi

_back of plane_

Okay, I couldn't figure out any other way to do that, and explaining that in words is too hard. And I'm too lazy. BACK TO THE STORY!!!!!!!

"Sakura..." Naruto wispered to her. "They don't _look_ like criminals..."

"no, duh Naruto!" Sakura hissed back. "Their leader did this funky jutsu on them so that they look like kids. The two in front of us look around our age."

"Time to make friends!!!" Naruto said, as he walked up the isle up to... Hidan.

"Hello!" he said to Hidan. Hidan just looked up at Naruto with a cold, hard, if-you-talk-to-me-you-will-die stare.

"What do you want?" the eleven-year-old murderer asked. "And, do I know you?"

Um...n-no!" Naruto studdered. He didn't have to were a disguise, since he was already a kid. "I j-just wanted to make friends."

"You came to the wrong person, kid." This confused Naruto, considering the person he was talking to was also a kid. "Go away." Hidan said, fiddiling with his earring, which was actually his scythe, trying to make it larger again. Finishing unsuccessfully, he looked up, and noticed that **Naruto was still there! **

"I _thought_ I told you to **go away!**" Hidan yelled at Naruto. Naruto winced. _This kid has bad breath. It smells like... __**blood?**_Naruto shuddered. He reached into his pocket and found a tic-tac box. he popped one into his mouth, trying to indicate that Hidan needed one.

"What, are you just gonna stand there eating candy? I want to talk to my brother!" Hidan was trying to use the first exuce that came into his head, which was talking to Kakuzu. But candy was his weak spot. "Hey, by the way, what kind of candy _is _ that?" Hidan asked Naruto with some interest, but still trying to look cool. "Not that I want any." He crossed his arms and leaned back on his uncomfotabe plane seat. It didn't work. Naruto smiled his infamous grin, and said, "It's a tic-tac, orange flavored. They're my favorite. Too bad you don't want one..." He took out the box and shook it in front of Hidan's face. It rattled.

"**I WANT ONE!!!!!!**" Hidan lunged for the box. Naruto laughed, and shook out a breath mint into the hand of Hidan. Naruto thought of an idea, and made a move (eww, not like that. No yaoi in this story, exept maybe som Deitachi). Naruto looked over at the other seat next to Hidan, and asked,

"Hey, is anyone sitting there? I have to sit next to my sister back there, and..."

"Sure!" Hidan moved over a seat and uttered his new favorite saying from a book Konan read. "Find a spot, and pop a squat!" Naruto laughed and sat down. Soon the two new friends started talking to each other.

"Sooooo..." Hidan said. "What's your name?"

"Naru-" Naruto stopped. He couldn't say his own name, or Hidan would know who his is and he'll be busted. He had to think of a alias, fast. "It's Na-na-Nate! Nate, that's it! Nate... What's your name?" Hidan raised an eyebrow at his faltering, but anwsered.

"I'm Hidan. Hey, where are you moving to? You _are_ going to America, right?" He responded.

"Yeah, my family is moving to this _really_ tiny town in Ohio. I think it's called 'Brunswick'."

"Seriously? That's where I'm going too!"

"Wow, that's such a coincidence!" Naruto lied. Lady Hokage Tsunade told them their coordinates before they left. "What street is your new house on?"

"I think it's on Hadcock. We had a giant new house built with _four_ stories so that we can fit the entire family."

"Wow. you must have a really big family. Is that all you brothers in the front of the plane?"

"No. Two are my sisters and then there's my dad."

"oh, oops. Hey, did you say Hadcock? I think that's the same street that _I_ live on! That is so _freaky_. It's like we were supposed to be neighbors or something."

"Yeah. Jashin did good this time."

"Huh?"

"Nevermind."

"whatever."

The new best friends continued their conversations for the rest of the ride to America, with Sakura and Kakuzu staring in awe, Itachi and Kisame flirting with the two girls, and Penin watching Itachi and wondering if making Dei a girl was such a good idea...

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Thanks for reading! Sorry I haven't been adding more chapters, my mom has grounded me from the computer because I got bad grades in math. Getting a F to a D+ isn't gonna get me ungrounded, but groundings don't count very well at my Dad's, so I HAVE FREEDOM!!


	5. AUTHOR'S NOTE

I just realized something... THIS STORY HAS NO PLOT! I'm thinking of deleting it, or just continuing it as drabbles... sorry if you were actually interested in it.

Cricket noises

Aw yeah, thanks for the support people!

Anyway, I'm discontinuing this story (or putting it on hold, whichever sounds nicer) and it might be continued.

In the meantime, check out my other stories!

**Birds** -- Storm Hawks

**Medicine man -er- teen** -- Jane and the Dragon (coming soon, once **Birds** is finished!)

**Akatskimon!**-- Naruto (I'm thinking about bringing it back, but I have to make sure this one has a plot, too...)

Sorry for the inconvenience, thanks for your cooperation!

Kisame! (me!)


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